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The Cartoons That Get the Most Laughs
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This is the tip in Helping Through Illness that gets the most laughs. But it's a good example of one of the ways I envisioned the book being used. Let's say you have a friend who needs help with really personal toiletry stuff and that's wayyy out of your comfort zone but you don't know how to tell them. You could just show them this page in the book (Be real About What You're Actually Up For) and say "this—I can't do this." Let the book do the talking.
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This one makes people laugh, too (those who know... know). I debated whether to include it, thinking it might be too over the top, but the reality is that a lot of people benefit from medical marijuana to ease their pain and other symptoms. A friend gave my book to her sister who has terminal cancer and asked her if the tips resonated with her. A little while later she heard her sister roaring with laughter, at this cartoon. Glad I could give her a laugh :-)
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Advance Directives: Five Take-aways
I listened to Mettle Health's webinar on Advance Directives (Power of Attorney for Healthcare) with MDs BJ Miller and Claritza Rios. It was full of really good, practical information. Here are five important takeaways but it's worth listening to the whole thing!
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- If your mindset (or the mindset of the people making decisions for you) is "let's try everything" to sustain life, know that in the ICU there is no end to the list—as medical science advances the list of stuff to try is never going to run out and it does not take quality of life into account, such as comfort or pain.
- The goal of an Advance Directive is to take a really chaotic, unintuitive, unmanageable situation and make it somewhat more navigable, reflecting your wishes and protecting your voice. An Advance Directive can't possibly account for the zillions of factors, limitations of science, and the complexity of what makes a life worth living in a single document but it's better than nothing.
- An Advance Directive is not just about you. It's a kindness to loved ones. If a paramedic or ER doctor asks "What are their wishes?" and you have no idea, it's incredibly stressful.
- The most important part of an Advance Directive is naming the person who will serve as your healthcare agent/proxy. This is a big responsibility and it isn't about choosing the person you're closest to. The question is "Can this person think clearly in the midst of a hospitalization when there's pressure to make important decisions in real time with the medical team?" But also to allow them grace to do their best on your behalf, knowing it's not going to unfold perfectly. Ideally it needs to be someone local to you, who can get to the hospital asap.
- Preparing an Advance Directive is an intimacy tool. It prompts meaningful, important conversations with loved ones. I experienced this when I helped my brother write one (he was healthy, which is the best time to complete a directive). I said we need to sit down with other family members (including the person who would be his agent/proxy) to discuss it together. At first they were uncomfortable and felt it was too morbid but it ended up being a deep and heartfelt conversation about what mattered to him in life and death. He felt like someone cared enough to want to know and protect his wishes.
Resources
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More Good Stuff
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Visit my website for links to my books, prayers (nonreligious) and other resources.
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“Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful.”
~Thich Nhat Hanh
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If you enjoyed this newsletter, please share it! If you aren't subscribed, be sure to stop by my website and sign up at sheilahoover.com
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