February, 2024
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Talking About Death

Talking about death can make some people nervous but I've found conversations about death to be meaningful, engaging and often very funny. Since they're also conversations about life, they have the power to deepen connections with others. Here are a couple of ways to talk about death.

Attend a Death Cafe

People raise an eyebrow when I mention Death Cafes but once I explain it, they say “Oh - that would actually be really interesting!”
The word death cafe next to bright tea cups
A Death Cafe is an occasion where people drink tea, eat cake, and share anything they want about the broad topic of death. It's not a grief group; the purpose is to normalize talking about death. They started in the UK in 2011 and are growing in popularity—to date there have been over 17,489 Death Cafes offered in 88 countries.

I participated in online Death Cafes during the pandemic and also trained as a facilitator, so I thought I’d try hosting one. I offered my first in-person Death Cafe last month. I rented a room at the local library and brought tea and cake. Five really wonderful people and I had a great conversation that went in all kinds of interesting directions.
What appeals to me the most about a Death Cafe is that it’s a place for people to bring their stories. People’s experiences of loss are often profound, meaningful, and life-changing on so many levels.

But, after time has passed and society expects us to be “over it,” there often isn’t anywhere to tell these amazing stories.
Cartoon cats sitting around a table and one is saying "Binx appeared to me as a hummingbird and I almost ate him."
They could be shared on social media but there’s something wonderful to me about sitting around a table, in a safe space with good company, and everyone sharing what’s in their hearts. I always feel honored to hear others' stories.

"Even though none of us had met before, I walked away feeling like we were old friends. It gave me much food for thought, and I’ve been revisiting the conversation in my head all day."


~Feedback from a participant

The Death Deck

I just got a Death Deck, which is actually a party game.
an image of The Death Deck cards
There are 112 cards with a mix of multiple choice and open-ended questions designed to “spark lively discussion around the topic of death.”

Sample question: If given a choice to watch how others grieve you at your funeral, would you?

You can play it with friends and try to predict each other's answers, or you can use the cards as an icebreaker to start important conversations about death with loved ones.

sheilahoover.com

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