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Top Three Tips
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I was recently asked to summarize the three most essential tips for supporting someone with a chronic or serious illness. These were among the most frequently cited when I was researching my book, Helping Through Illness. What do you think are the most important?
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Support Social Connection
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Dealing with a serious illness can be very isolating, so providing companionship is really important. Be flexible with scheduling based on how your loved one is feeling on any particular day.
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Listen Without Giving Advice
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One of the greatest gifts you can give your loved one is to just listen—without giving advice, without trying to fix anything, without trying to cheer them up.
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Offer Specific Help
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People often say “Let me know if you need anything” and leave it at that. It's better to make specific offers and be sure to follow through.
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I also attempted to whittle down my master list of things to say and not say. Most people I spoke to said platitudes and unsolicited advice were not helpful. It also depends on the relationship you have with your loved ones—these are just general guidelines.
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Things to Say
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• I’ve been thinking about you.
• It’s nice to see you (instead of "how are you?" which can be an awkward question.
• I’m sorry you have to go through this.
• It’s not fair, I’m sorry.
• I hear you.
• Do you want to tell me more?
• Please don’t feel any pressure to get back to me right away.
• I don’t know what to say, I’m just so sorry.
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And Not Say
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• You should be better by now.
• You should... [advice].
• But you don’t look sick.
• This is your new normal.
• Look on the bright side.
• Stay positive!
• It could be worse.
• Life only gives you what you can handle.
• Everything happens for a reason.
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Visit my website for links to my books and other good stuff.
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If you enjoyed this newsletter, please share it! If you aren't subscribed, stop by my website and sign up at sheilahoover.com
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